Neither my wife nor I drink very much alcohol these days. We both enjoy a glass of wine or a beer every now and then but often go months at a time without consuming a drop of alcohol and rarely keep any in the house. I tell you this not as a judgment on those who drink on a regular basis nor to tout our clean living. The fact is, although we don’t spend much time in bars, we have a spot for bar food. The reason for me detailing our drinking habits is because it serves as helpful context for the following story.
A friend was visiting us this summer with his girlfriend and on the way to pick up dinner for the adults, we stopped at the liquor store to pick up drinks to enjoy during dinner and over the weekend. As I helped my friend pack the car to head home at the end of the weekend, I tried to give him the remaining handful of alcohol. He insisted we keep it. I responded by letting him know that while we’d be happy to drink the remaining few TRULY hard seltzers over time, they’d likely last at least 6 months in our fridge. He chuckled and told me to enjoy them.
Fast forward to yesterday, roughly 4 months later. I received a call from my son’s school around lunchtime. The guidance counselor was calling to inform me that my son had brought a TRULY hard seltzer to school as part of his lunch. She said it was apparent that he wasn’t aware of the adult nature of the drink and merely thought he had snuck a seltzer into his lunch (we never send the kids to school with anything to drink other than a water bottle). She couldn’t help but chuckle and assured me that there wouldn’t be any ramifications but wanted me to be aware of what had happened. Nonetheless, I was mortified.
I immediately texted my friend and reminded him of my comment about how long the drinks would last. I then wrote, “here we are four months later and you’ll never guess where one of the drinks wound up today!”
As for the remaining two cans of TRULY, last night seemed like a good time for me to tackle their disposal after getting the kids to bed.
In case any of you fellow dads out there thought you might still be in the running for father of the year, consider this notice that the award is all but locked up. Best of luck to those in contention for second place!